I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
