u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
