Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
