A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
