I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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