You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
