Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
