have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
