Who did Billy Mays play for?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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