i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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