You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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