I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If that was your dad, he is hot
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
