she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
