So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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