if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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