Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
