That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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