i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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