i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
