32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
