I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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