my mouth tastes like poor choices
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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