He disabled his match.com account in front of me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
