So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
