Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I need moral support for this bender
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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