somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize