Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
