Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
