Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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