Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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