eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Sober January is a disaster.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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