My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
