So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
