Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
