i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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