The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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