an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Best friends brother. Beat that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
