why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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