next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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