I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
