So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
