I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
bring money and cleavage
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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