We're like a lot better than the average bears
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
