I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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