Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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