Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
