8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
