I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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