Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
