Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
