Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
don't judge my taste in strippers
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I deserve this hangover.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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