I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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