mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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