you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
