Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
