We're like a lot better than the average bears
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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