Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
