Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
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Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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