Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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