Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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