everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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