I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
