Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
