Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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